Finding Your People When You Don’t Feel Like You Fit Anywhere…

A few weeks ago I decided that I needed to ‘get myself out there’ and meet new people. Work, and uni, have definitely became my everything lately. I am incredibly grateful to have the work that I do and the opportunity to be learning so much at uni, but it can be all consuming and before you know it, it’s been weeks, or likely months, before you’ve done something just for you. If I’m honest, if someone asked me what I enjoy doing I would find it hard to tell them as it feels so long since I’ve engaged with something aside work (holidays excluded but I can’t live in Florida forever!).

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to find ‘your people’; the people you can be around without performing, explaining, or trying to fit yourself into a role. Groups I see always seem to be someone else’s path; singing, writing, dancing, movement, craft, reading, the list goes on. Now don’t get me wrong, I am keen on reading and would LOVE to be part of a book club, I love being creative, but there’s nothing nearby that takes my fancy, and movement…well when you teach many classes you get a bit picky about where you want to go, who you want to be taught by and they’re always the folks who teach at the same time I do! So I decided to put myself out there (via social media of course!), as I have no idea where ‘my people’ hang out. Sure there’s groups here, groups there, but a lot of these groups weren’t my people (whoever my people are). Following the post I got a few truly lovely folk reach out offering suggestions, taking time to message and make me feel at ease, and a couple I will absolutely take forward. But I also start to put some off as it was ‘a little too far away to travel’ or the usual, that I wouldn’t quite fit in.

I noticed that I was creating excuses. Excuses why not to do these things. Excuses about being busy, excuses about things being inconvenient, more and more excuses. Then the guilt came. The guilt because I genuinely felt I’d found a couple of places that I would fit into and I found yet another excuse not to join in. Because honestly that’s what I have always done; avoided things where I don’t feel I’ll fit in. But really don’t we all do that I hear you say. True, but this is everywhere. This is not just social settings, this is work, this is family, this is everywhere and everything. I can appear bold and say “hell yes I’m going to that” but I can guarantee that come nearer the time the wee nervous system safety button kicks in and tells me computer says no (millennials++ will get this reference).

So what to do? In full transparency I still don’t know BUT I don’t think I’m alone in this. I think so many of us crave connection but sometimes we can’t see past what people present to us before we realise what will feed our soul. I’ve joined so many well-meaning groups full of lovely people but I've found it really hard to not feel like the imposter.

I’m not writing this because I have the answer. I’m writing it because I suspect many of us are carrying the same feeling, and if this is you then you’re not alone. I think the age of technology and constant connection has left us feeling more disconnected than we once were (or maybe some of us never felt connected to begin with). As you may know I am on the hunt for a space to run my classes and hold treatments but it’s a space for so much more. It’s a space for all those times in between. No rushing away after a class if someone needs to chat. A place where a wee group can meet up and connect. A place where we can try new things. A place to grow into ourselves whatever our age. I don’t have that place just yet (hopefully it's in the pipeline) but I do have access to spaces, and I do have time. If you're needing connection, feeling lonely, or just want something a little different and if you’re local and would like chat about what could be, send me a message. I’d also love to hear what kind of space would help you feel welcome. And even you’re not local and have ideas you’d like to chat about - let me know!

And if my vibe isn’t your vibe (we can’t all be the same, the world would be such a boring place) then I want to say stick in there. It can be hard at times, whatever situation you’re in or background you are from, but please don’t let guilt take over telling you what you should be doing. You don’t have to force yourself into every room - I certainly don't. But I hope you keep looking for the rooms where you can be absolutely yourself.

And for a little context I’m a 44 year old female with a ridiculous interest in crystals, animals, disney theme parks, animal print and disco balls